Author: Belle Burden
# of Pages: 239 (ebook)
Genre: Nonfiction, Biography
Rating: ★★★★☆
Synopsis: In March 2020, Belle Burden was safe and secure with her family at their house on Martha’s Vineyard, navigating the early days of the pandemic together—building fires in the late afternoons, drinking whisky sours, making roast chicken. Then, with no warning or explanation, her husband of twenty years announced that he was leaving her. Overnight, her caring, steady partner became a man she hardly recognized. He exited his life with her like an actor shrugging off a costume. In Strangers, Burden revisits her marriage, searching for clues that her husband was not who she always thought he was. As she examines her relationship through a new lens, she reckons with her own family history and the lessons she intuited about how a woman is expected to behave in the face of betrayal. Through all of it, she is transformed. The discreet, compliant woman she once was—someone nicknamed “Belle the Good”—gives way to someone braver, someone determined to use her voice.
Review: First, a note on privilege:
A quick search online makes it clear that Belle Burden comes from a very privileged background. She's from generational wealth and is still a highly accomplished woman despite her career taking a backseat in her marriage.
As someone who is NOT one of the ultra-rich, I went into reading this book bracing to have to listen to complaints about problems that wouldn't be relatable. Any financial issues she has won't seem as dire when her family is such a strong support system (not to mention how many trust funds she might actually have). Once again, it all connects back to Burden being extremely privileged.
So why did I give Strangers 4 stars?
Here's what helped me enjoy this book: while Burden doesn't capture the full picture of her privilege, she's not hiding it. It's very clear that she is from a family of socialites and that her family/life style is of someone very well off. Divorce nothing unique, but having a divorce after being married so long (20 years) AND the suddenness of the separation AND that it was during a socially difficult period (in the middle of the COVID pandemic) made this story stand out.
The first part of the book hooks the reader in; Burden describes how she is blindsided by her now ex-husband ("James") when he suddenly leaves her and their family despite being in a seemingly happy marriage. I felt so angry on Burden's behalf even if you strip away that she's an unreliable narrator; his unfaithfulness to her and his poor communication to her over why he's divorcing her are undeniable marks against him. This first part alone is a bulk of why this book is 4 stars.
Although many might not be sympathetic to the financial-aspect of Burden's divorce struggle, there's still some meaningful takeaways that apply to people of all income brackets. Financial complacency can put you at the mercy of your ex during a divorce. Prenups should not be a "one and done" agreement, especially as career and family responsibilities shift over time. These lessons aren't particularly unique to Burden's story but are a painful reminder, especially for long term couples who got married during a less progressive time for women.
Overall this was a generally good read, despite it's flaws. Since I haven't read many stories about divorce, this one was particularly interesting, but others might be bored by a story that covers common divorce issues and doesn't get to a clear answer on why "James" actually walked out on their family.
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